Tuesday, October 25, 2011

10/11/10

She Is Rain

Personally I think I may be going insane. The amount of time I spend... I dont know why I said that. It came to mind as something to write, but it was a thought unfinished. I have a lot of those. Words or phrases come into my head and they may not be attached to any thought I was just thinking.
  If you say no, does that justify you? What if you just push away? Why do I have so much trouble with making sounds? When its time to talk, I'd rather listen. Listen to my silence... that will answer your nagging questions. I cant make myself say no. My weakness makes me full of anger. Self destructive flame of hate. Makes me want to scream and burn my nerves so I can feel something.
  Soften my heart, I need to feel. I'm tired of being alone. It's the only thing that can really make me cry. Sit... silence... I'm alone and its too painful to bear.
   There I go, not making sense. I say I don't feel, yet I said the pain is too hard to bear. Look at me and tell me what you see. Do I smile? Do I make you feel good? Great, fun, loving, beautiful. There is nothing beautiful about sin. This sinner is ugly and longs to wash herself.
  I sit in the shower sometimes and let the water just soak into me. Hit me fast and light. I blend and for a while I can disappear. Sorry, she's not here right now. She's water, falling fast and although among other water, very alone.

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