Pool Particles
There are leaves at the bottom of the pool like silver sand sharks. They only move with the rippling water, poised in fake action, looking for unsuspecting pool particles.
I want to know what it would feel like to lay at the bottom of a pool, or a lake or the ocean, and look up into the distorted sun. Motionless except for the wave of my hair billowing around me. Frozen in time, listening to the profound silence, nothing on the brain. Nothing on the brain.
Showing posts with label Sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleep. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
12/05/10
Eight Legged Freaks
Looking back at what I've said earlier I think, "who is this person who writes these? How come she keeps changing every time. I'm different tonight then I was last time I wrote.
Is anyone going to read this? Will I ever be brave enough? Maybe its not bravery, maybe its apathy. I don't care if you read into my soul, just don't tell my parents.
It's funny how parents spend so much of there time taking care of us and protecting us and now I feel like I should protect them from what's bad out there. No, you shouldn't read that, its not appropriate, it might even make you sad.
The reason I won't talk to them about any of my problems or worries is not because I don't love them. It's because they're so busy and so stressed out that I don't want to make them have to worry about more things. I'll try to be as low matinence as I can.
I just lost my train of thought. Not that these are following any kind of flow anyway. What was I going to say? I can't remember now. Time to go to bed because my eyeballs are burning and I'm afraid a spider is going crawl on me. I'm sorry, you have eight legs and are gross, so you deserve to die.
Looking back at what I've said earlier I think, "who is this person who writes these? How come she keeps changing every time. I'm different tonight then I was last time I wrote.
Is anyone going to read this? Will I ever be brave enough? Maybe its not bravery, maybe its apathy. I don't care if you read into my soul, just don't tell my parents.
It's funny how parents spend so much of there time taking care of us and protecting us and now I feel like I should protect them from what's bad out there. No, you shouldn't read that, its not appropriate, it might even make you sad.
The reason I won't talk to them about any of my problems or worries is not because I don't love them. It's because they're so busy and so stressed out that I don't want to make them have to worry about more things. I'll try to be as low matinence as I can.
I just lost my train of thought. Not that these are following any kind of flow anyway. What was I going to say? I can't remember now. Time to go to bed because my eyeballs are burning and I'm afraid a spider is going crawl on me. I'm sorry, you have eight legs and are gross, so you deserve to die.
10/19/10
Methods (Explicit)
Anger and frustration just flare up inside me. I hit my fist against the steering wheel again. Feel the pain, that's good. But now its gone so I hit it again. I soak it in, feel the sharpness of it. But eventually that dissipates and I'm numb. Bang my wrist against the wheel. Get home and burn my arm with ice and salt, press the razor against the skin but I don't pull.
I'll stop for you. I'm giving you my razors. You said I lied. I only lied to keep from hurting you and making you sad. Isn't that better than lying to you because I don't care about you? I think I'm slightly justified, but I'm still sorry. I curl up real small. I want you to hold me and make me safe. Like you said, the only thing you can't protect me from is me.
I'm a monster waiting to break out and destroy the first thing I see. Which is me. I'm so tired. Let me sleep.
Anger and frustration just flare up inside me. I hit my fist against the steering wheel again. Feel the pain, that's good. But now its gone so I hit it again. I soak it in, feel the sharpness of it. But eventually that dissipates and I'm numb. Bang my wrist against the wheel. Get home and burn my arm with ice and salt, press the razor against the skin but I don't pull.
I'll stop for you. I'm giving you my razors. You said I lied. I only lied to keep from hurting you and making you sad. Isn't that better than lying to you because I don't care about you? I think I'm slightly justified, but I'm still sorry. I curl up real small. I want you to hold me and make me safe. Like you said, the only thing you can't protect me from is me.
I'm a monster waiting to break out and destroy the first thing I see. Which is me. I'm so tired. Let me sleep.
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