love.

I fell in love. This is not something I planned to do. In fact, I was trying my hardest to stay out of emotional attachments. I wanted to get to know people but mostly, I just wanted to be alone. I was in love before. A strained love, but still love. After that ended I wanted to just be me, not a couple. I wanted to develop me, learn to love myself, or at least tolerate me. But then I met him. He asked me to dance and later that evening he said he would like to see me again. I said yes, thinking that I could date him a couple times but stay single.

That first date I was immediately attracted to him and not just physically. He was smart and brave and wanted to help others. He had a big smile that was always on his face and an even bigger heart. He was the most positive person I have seen in a long time and I needed that. After that date I knew I wanted to see more of him but I felt as if I hadn't made a good impression or hadn't been interesting enough for him to ask me out again. I was wrong.

I got a message from him that he wanted to meet again and I couldn't say no. That night I wanted so badly to kiss him, or him kiss me but I told myself that I was not allowed to. I was not allowed to fall for this boy. Two dates later, he looked at me and said "I'm trying so hard to not kiss you." I tried to say something witty but he put his hand behind my head and pulled me into him gently. We were like matches and gasoline. I've never felt such a pull towards someone physically, emotionally and spiritually. It didn't take long after that till he told me he loved me. I didn't believe him, although I wanted it to be true. I was trying so hard to keep myself distanced so I wouldn't get hurt again. A few days later, I told him I loved him, and it was the honest truth. I loved him so fast it baffled me, but I knew it was true.

Now he comes over to see me whenever he has time and he plays me songs and sings words that make my heart melt. I don't want to melt, but only for him.

We share a trial that will be hard to overcome but I'm willing and ready for the challenge as long as he is next to me. Last night we had a problem. We ended up sitting on the floor, holding each other. We comforted each other and made promises to do better. To progress. I didn't believe the extent of his feeling till that night when I saw that tear roll down his cheek.

I fell in love. This is not something I planned to do. But for him, I will change my plans, because he is worth it.